Support

I feel like although you have been here for me the past couple of days, you don't care now. Like because you looked after me now all of a sudden, i don't matter because I'm not at your place.  I need you today. I need your support. But I can't even get that because you made up an excuse to not come out here! But now instead of coming out here, you're at the fucking pub with your 'friends' AGAIN!. How do you think they see me? See us? The fact you are always there without me, you're always somewhere without me, they probably think I'm not even part of your life. They probably think that I'm not a priority, which honestly? I feel like thay aswell. I am laying here crying because I family treat me like shit, but you're out having a good time?. Great, hope. You're having fun. I hope you like knowing thay while you are with all those people that hate me, I'm here crying wanting to see you, knowing that it would fix how I feel, knowing you would be able to make me feel 100%. But apparently that's too much to ask for. Apparently you don't care enough to come and help me calm down. I'm over it! You need to make an effort because I swear to God, im not longer trying till I see that you are. You want to see me? Work it around my schedule. You want to hear my voice, talk on the phone? You call me. You want to talk to me? You text me first. It's going to be so damn hard, but honestly? I'm hoping you see that it hurts me thinking you don't try. Thinking that I'm the only one that puts in the effort. Let's see if you really d9 try. For our sake, i hope you do..

😭😔😟😣😢😭😓

#rantover.

Bradley Bradley Bradley

Boyfriend drama ms (that he doesn't even know about)

Good morning.. I just want to see you to cuddle you.  I get that you're down at the pub or with your 'friends' or whatever most of the time when you're not at work. But I literally do nothing outside of work. I just study, work, work and sleep. I don't think you realise it hurts me when you don't answer my calls because you're with your friends. But when you're with me? You're on the phone to them most of the time, or if the phone rings you have to jump up to get it. It's constantly going off and you always see it but when it's me texting you or calling you, you don't see or hear it? How does that work? I need to know that you are putting in 100%. That you want to get a place together. That you want a life and a family together. Not that you want to spend more time with your friends then you so with me. I know I'm probably wrong but I just can't seem to shake this feeling im not the first priority anymore. And I'm sorry, but if that's true? You just don't care about me! I mean, I asked you out on Saturday night to the movies. What was your answer? "I'd footy training isn't on". So if you don't get to see the boys. I'm trying here! I'm trying so damn hard. Hell I even started working 2 just so that I could have enough money to get a place with you. But that doesn't seem like you even want to get a place with me anymore. I need some assurances here. I need to know that I'm not number 2 or 3 or 10 on your priority list. I need to know that instead of going out to play footy or tennis or going out at night to get drunk with your friends, you would rather spend your time at home, with me. Sure 2 or 3 or eveb 4 nights a week whatever. But when im spending one night a week with you, Maybe 2? It hurts and i feel like I come after everyone else.  I just don't understand how I put so much effort in day in a day out but I feel lije you don't put any in. Help me out here, make me feel  a little better about us, about our relationship. I just want to be with you! If I felt like you wanted to be with me constantly like i do, why would I feel like this? I hope you see this because I just know I won't have the courage to say it to your face. I just hope you will love me with all your heart and start to make the changes I need. Like not hanging out with girls that I hate and I know are trying to make me jelous with you. It's been a year together for us and i want it to be a he'll of a lot more. Just help me out here and make me feel like you want it too. Please baby. I'm begging you.

I love you.  So much. Xx

My life.

Okay, so you want to know what happens in my every day life?. 

I have a good life. I have a family that 'loves' me. I have an amazing boyfriend (he actually does love me). My work isn't the best but hey, what job is?. 

First things first- family: they say they love me. They say they care. They even act like it. But the way they treat me and act towards me is horrible. My mother treats me like im younger then my 5 year old sister!. She doesn't give me any thanks or a please for anything i do for her.she doesn't love me. I don't think sge ever has or ever will. My father- he cares about me. He loves me. He just has a really bad temper and i seem to be on the wrong side of it alot. He doesn't me to get angry ot scream and yell all the time, it is my fault, i know that. My little sister- she can't even be described she is to amazing. My older sisters- ha! They are completely different to both me and my little sister. They don't include me in anything unless they want something off me. I can't be around any of them for more then 5-6 hours. They only ever contact me so i can baby sit, which i always seem to freaking do!. 

Boyfriend: i can't really say anything. He is pretty amazing and i know he loves me. He is oretty much the only reason i smile most days. 

Work: agh. Don't even get me started. I don't know where to begine so I'm not going to. 

Thanks for reading, I'll be back. ❣